As parents, of course, we do not want the same or bad things to happen to our childrenJakarta (ANTARA) - Parenting in children is influenced by a host of factors, including traumatic events in the past or childhood, according to psychologist cum marriage counselor Dr. Adriana Soekandar Ginanjar, M.Sc.
Ginanjar noted that not all parents adopt a positive parenting style to encourage child growth at home. Some of them resort to violence, in verbal and non-verbal forms. Meanwhile, several conflicts that occur between parents in front of children also affected parenting.
"This incident can unconsciously trigger the deepest anxiety and trauma in the child," according to the doctor, as quoted in an official broadcast About Children on Wednesday.
Ginanjar explained that several types of trauma afflicted humans, especially when they are married. These traumas must be recognized early on, so that parents, in future, can process the trauma into good emotional forms.
"When (they) can process emotions, of course, this will have a better impact on the close family and the surrounding environment," Ginanjar stated.
The doctor drew attention to at least three types of trauma -- acute, chronic, and complex -- that can be experienced during marriage.
Acute trauma tends to occur once in a lifetime, but it is intense. For instance, divorce, natural disasters, and sexual abuse that occurred in the past or childhood.
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Chronic trauma occurs repeatedly over a long period of time, for instance, violence from parents or people around, bullying, and bearing witness to acts of violence and parental conflicts.
Meanwhile, complex trauma comprises different traumatic events.
Past trauma, if left untreated, can continue to interfere with the parents' daily lives and can even impact parenting.
"As parents, of course, we do not want the same or bad things to happen to our children," the doctor noted.
Meanwhile, other factors can also raise the child's vulnerability to trauma in their lives, for instance, children that are too introverted, parents that do not understand their children, and parents that often feel they know the best.
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To keep children away from possible trauma, parents can work towards getting to know their children better and establish more open communication with them. They also need to respect the child's decisions and not put too many demands on the child.
Moreover, children need to be encouraged to express their opinion on every situation that occurs in everyday life. Parents can also act more proactively to decipher what their children really need.
"Mindful parenting is to understand and study (children)'s emotions, so that these can give rise to good behavior for the family," the doctor noted.
In the meantime, Dr. Mesty Ariotedjo, Sp.A, a pediatrician and founder of the parenting application About Children, deemed it crucial for parents to fully understand themselves first before helping to meet their children's needs.
"There is nothing wrong with consulting with experts to get advice on any problems experienced," Ariotedjo emphasized.
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Translator: Katriana
Editor: Fardah Assegaf
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